Michelle Bachmann, Republican Conspiracy Theorist

I don't know what's going on in Minnesota but Republican Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann should be an embarrassment to the people who voted for her. This chick says some of the wackiest, craziest stuff that if I were one of her constituents, I'd be circulating a petition to get her ass recalled. She's nuttier than box of peanut brittle.

According to Bachmann, the last time we had a swine flu epidemic another Democrat was president. She wasn't signifying or insinuating anything but in her narrow, simple little mind there's connection between Democrats and health epidemics.

By now, we all know chick doesn't bother to check her facts because she's so desperate to besmirch President Obama and the Democrats. We can always count on her for comic relief at the most inappropriate moments. I know she's trying her best to politicize a health epidemic but I'm going to need her to check out her facts first but I may be expectng for too much.

Soap, Water and a Hose

Can someone please give Dog the Bounty Hunter a bath or something? Every time I see him, I want to grab my garden hose, a steel wool pad and some soap and give him a good scrub. He's killing me with this get up! I'm not sure if he popped the buttons off his shirt or if he's trying to get his sexy on, either way, it's just not a good look for him. Beer bellies are so not the sh*t on middle aged men, especially on ones who haven't updated their hair or their wardrobe since 1973. A mullet, Dog, seriously? Beth......come get your man!

What's Really 'Hood?

The same creative geniuses at VH-1 who thought it would be a great idea to give Flavor Flav and that lamb chop look-a-like Tiffany Pollard reality shows think American Idol winner Fantasia Barrino should have her own reality show.

According to VH-1 Vice President of unOriginal Programming, Jeff Olde:

Fantasia has one of the most fascinating stories in show business, from her tough upbringing to her meteoric rise on the national scene thanks to American Idol. Her challenges from fame and her unwillingness to fail have combined to create a larger-than-life talent who appeals to music lovers around the world. So many people wanted to work with her on this, but Fantasia is now part of the VH1 family, and we’re so happy to have her.

This means he expecting some real 'hood behavior and high ratings. I don't think he'll be disappointed. Nothing about Fantasia is interesting. I'm not a fan of American Idol. I don't like her singing and find her about as interesting as a pile of peat moss. I'm sure there's going to be all kinds of 'hood-like drama jumping off at Fanny's crib.

On one hand you have beautiful, smart and well-educated black women like Michelle Obama and Desiree Rogers and then you have Fantasia. In spite of what VH-1 says, ain't nothing fresh, funny or original about reality show starring Fantasia. I won't be watching.

Dumbassness of the Day: Rush Limbaugh

Uncle Rush says President Obama didn't know that the Somali pirates were young black Muslim men, if he did, he would have handled the situation differently. I'm sure he doesn't really believe this but since he's made a career out of entertaining people with his bigotry, ignorance and bitterness, he can't let his audience down, the show must go on.

In his world, the dangerous black men with big knives and automatic weapons terrorizing the high seas a few days ago are now defenseless Muslim teenagers and community organizers. This would be funny if people didn't believe everything Rush Limbaugh says.

Sipping Tea

If this man is an example of the tea party protesters, I feel sorry for them. They don't even have enough sense to be embarrassed by their own ignorance. You've got unhinged conservative people bonding over their paranoia. President Obama hasn't even been in office 100 days yet these people are whining about socialism and fascism when they sat through eight years of the George H.W. Bush and didn't utter a word. I see some people will never get over the fact that a black man got elected President of their country.

Funny thing about these pitiful angry people is that few of them even know what fascism and socialism is. All I see is a bunch of misplaced anger. Let's blame the black guy. I mean everybody knows Obama is a socialist right? These people are incapable of thinking for themselves so they rely heavily upon opportunists like Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck or stay glued to Fox News all day long while the world passes them by.

When President Bush was spending this country into oblivion, not a word was uttered by any of these people. Bush was their guy so whatever he did was okay. Where were they when his administration lied about going to war with Iraq? Better yet, where was the outrage when they found out the size of government actually increased under his administration? You've got people whining about the bailout who didn't have a problem when Bush was squandering our tax money in Iraq. Where were these people then? If they were to honestly look back over the past eight years, they would have plenty to be upset about but they simply can't bring themselves to do it.

Now these fringe folks are banding together under the guise of taxes to express their paranoia about the president, the country and the bailout. Do any of these people make cogent arguments? I'm thinking just a few do. The really smart, educated conservatives are staying away from these tea parties, only opportunistic politicians like the Governor of Texas are attending these events; he's so mad he's threatening to secede from the union all while spending stimulus money from government.

Listening to tea party people makes my IQ drop about 50 points. Ur-uh, I think he's a fascist. Why? Because he is!? WTF! I see it doesn't take much education or common sense to be a tea party conservative either, all you do is whine, complain and repeat. Now if they could harness some of that energy into something positive, that would be a good thing but know, nothing good is going to come of these events. Next thing you know they'll be starting up lynch mobs, hatching Obama assassination plots and talking sucession.

Papa Was a Rolling Stone, the $500,000 Edition

Flint, Michigan native Thomas Frazier has the special distinction of accruing more than $530,000 in child support. Frazier, who has avoided being gainfully employed for decades, was nabbed because of a busted tail light on his Mercedes-Benz. Besides an arrest warrant, the police found $5,000 in cash on him but it wasn't enough to keep him out of jail. He was $23,000 short of $28,000 required to keep him out of jail for 90 days.

Frazier should be in jail for being stupid and irresponsible. It is obvious he knows nothing about condoms, the human reproductive system (or at least part of it anyway) or paternity tests. Of the fourteen children he has, he believes only three are his, as for the rest, he believes he has been framed by the evil, vindictive women with whom he had one-night stands with. He didn't bother to stick around to have paternity tests on any of these questionable children, he just moved on to another woman.

I always wonder about women who willingly have a child with a man who has multiple children he doesn't take care of; they bear some responsibility for this stupidity too. Just what is the attraction to a man who is incapable of holding a steady job to support his children?

Frazier, who became a first time father at age 15, believes that he should be absolved of his child support debt because Genesee county (Michigan) can't expect him to pay all of that money. I'm sure he would have been upset if the county prosecutors had ordered him to have a vasectomy after the first or third or even sixth child because neither he nor the women he was bumping uglies with, could be bothered with using condoms.

If Frazier's predicament isn't at least a dozen episodes of the Maury Povich show, I don't know what else is. Since he's claiming that only three of the eleven children are his, Maury could have him and his babies mamas on his show to determine paternity. I'm certain there would not shortage of drama here. Frazier can call the women promiscuous tramps and the women can pretend that they didn't know he was a deadbeat.

Ghetto Names, Sad But True

I can't even get mad at these guys for making fun of ghetto names because it is true. A certain population of black folks who, for reasons unknown, like to make up names for their children. Phonetics and spelling be damned, they are determined to come up with the most ridiculous name you could think of under the guise of being unique, different or dare I say sophisticated.

Making up ridiculous names for children is not cute. It's not cute when you put 'La' in the front or an '-isha' in the back. The poor children are branded for life and it's no surprise when Quanisha or DeVonte shows up for a job interview that they are black. No guess there, one look at the name is a dead giveaway. These names are ghetto as hell and there's nothing funny or cute about them.

Call old or call me square but I remember back when names meant something. I'm not talking about made up names either. In my husband's culture, names are very important, children aren't named until seven or eight days after they are born. The child's name is revealed in an all day naming ceremony and the child is always named after someone else, a family member or an esteemed friend. No one makes up a name to give their child ever and there's a good reason for not to.

There are other ways to express your creativity without branding your child for life. Ghetto names go beyond ethnic, Muslim or African names, they are in a class by themselves. As ridiculous as some of these names in the video sound, some people are out there thinking they will name their next daughter Watermelondria or Barackisha. It's sad but true.

Driving While Black, The Extreme Version #87,569

Houston Texan Ryan Moats got off pretty easy compared to Terrence Jones, a retired former police officer. Both were stopped by police, but Jones' story and outcome were quite different.

Read all about at field negro: Sorry Negro, you look like just another drug dealer to me.

Driving While Black, The Not-So-Extreme Edition

A couple of weeks ago, Houston Texan running back Ryan Moats was rushing his family to hospital and was detained by the police. Moats' mother-in-law was on her death bed and he was detained by Officer Friendly (Officer Robert Powell a.k.a. 'The Man', the po-po, 5-0, you call it) in the hospital parking lot for running a red light.

Moats was polite and respectful to the Officer. In spite of being told about the situation, the officer continued to detain Moats, telling him to shut up and threatening to take him to jail for running a red light. In words spoken by the police to black men everywhere, Moats was told:

"I could charge you with fleeing right now. Understand what I could do.... I could make your life very difficult."

From what I saw on the video, Officer Friendly did just that. Either he was an overzealous policeman or was just trying to show Moats his place. I think it was a combination of both. Black men, not even famous ones, get respect from the police. There's an automatic assumption of guilt and suspicion with black people which has come to be known as 'driving while black'. When stopped by the police, we get asked for everything but our first born. Did I mention that Officer Friendly had his gun drawn when he pulled Ryan Moats over? Is it really standard procedure to draw a weapon on a routine traffic stop?

At least Moats' wife Tamisha got to see her mother before she died but he wasn't so lucky, he ended up being detained for more than ten minutes and missed his mother-in-law's passing. When word got out about this incident, Officer Friendly was suspended with pay and put on desk duty by the Dallas Police Department. The Dallas Police Department issued an apology to Moats and his family.

Officer Friendly also issued an apology to the Moats' which they have accepted. While on desk duty, he must have had an epiphany and realized that he handled this situation improperly. I'm wondering what took him so long. As if flashing lights, the urgency of the situation and obviously distraught people rushing to a hospital aren't proof enough?? I'm not going to buy that, he just happened to stop the wrong black man, one who happened to be rich and famous.

Now if this was a generic around-the-way brother, who is poor and unknown, Officer Friendly would still have his job and the Dallas Police Department wouldn't have wasted their time investigating this complaint.